Midwifery, Joyce and Angel

When my job of being a midwife sink into my mind and heart, I knew that this is not just a job.. it is a calling. As I was starting to see birth complications and handle things on my own without a senior supervisor beside me I knew and realize that I am going to handle a big responsibility. Life and life!

Last friday, I was on night shift with ate Joy. We had a patient named Joyce who was endorsed to us from swing shift. Jamie was extending a couple hours in taking care of her so she was not endorsed to anyone of the night shift for 2 hours. But since it's getting late Jamie's sleepy and she's still has no signs of labor, so Jamie endorse her to night shift and ate Joy took her since I have a labor also. Joyce started to push around 2pm. It was really a hard and long pushing. After more than an hour, Joyce gave birth, the baby cried but after few seconds the baby started to turn blue and having a weak cry. We deep suctioned the baby and did PPV (Positive Pressure Ventilation) as well to help the baby to breath but she gets worse as minutes passed, so we decided to transport her and refer to the hospital. I left them at the Pedia ER with a nurse who is looking after the baby already with the baby's father and Joyce's aunt.

After 2 hours the Joyce's husband came back and reported that their baby did not survived and died. Andro was asking us for help to explain and tell Joyce what happened. So when Andro and ate Joy told her while she's at the postpartum bed,I just knew that she know it already through the burst of her cry. I really felt so bad at that point because of the "what if's" and things that could have done earlier for that patient and her baby.

That was my first time experience for almost 4 years of being a midwife. I thought at that time that what if I was not called to be a midwife? I would not have experienced feelings of guilt or taking responsibility of someone else's life other than my family's BUT I guess I am not just a midwife by profession, but a midwife in spirit. I am not only called to be midwife physically, help mothers deliver their babies BUT also assisting spiritual birth and helping newborn Christians know GOD more.

That incident gave me the chance to be more connected to our patients. To give care not just with their pregnancy but also with their spiritual needs. After everything was settled with Joyce's place we were able to visit their house, comforted their family with our presence and our prayers. And assured them than there is a life after death and that though it was such a short time there baby "Angel" is in GOD's hands. Safe from all the corrupt things of this world.

Everytime situations like this come, since my little brother passed away, every child that dies I would often think that he's got more playmates up there right now and more saved souls that's praising GOD with him. Eternally saved, and forever with their Creator.

YOU are everything I need!

As I was listening to this song, I was meditating every lyrics and reminded by how useless I am without my Savior, Creator and Father. I hope you find yourself inspired with this song, too. 

I am more than Conquerors!

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"The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand."


I trusted GOD and thanked HIM so much for giving me a family, though not perfect according to the world's standard but it's a perfect one for me. Living in one house, serving, obeying and trusting GOD together, encouraging and lifting up to GOD what He's  directing us to do. To "obey GOD" is our united goal and leave all the consequences to HIM". Though imperfection isn't absent, but each of us is learning.

For the past five years I thought I have been overcoming ups and downs with my family yet so blessed while gaining all the lessons on different situations GOD allowed us to encounter. I thought that I have experienced and overcame the worst situation GOD could allow us to experience but I guess it was not just that. There came a very heavy storm. A storm I thought will not happen to my family in the next 20 years. I guess it's not just love that comes unexpectedly, its trials too.

The day his body was buried, I felt that a part of me was buried too and could no longer live. This past 3 weeks was the hardest time for me after the loss of my youngest brother. The longingness that I felt was very strong that I could not bear it  myself. Sleepless and crying nights and even waking up in the morning makes me cry. The first thing that comes to my mind when I woke up is living the rest of my life, thinking that a part of me is missing. He was one of the two best brothers for me. Even though I still have Luke and my sister Hannah, Derek taught me a lot of good things while he was still alive. Though he was still young, his innocence left me lessons which I will be grateful to GOD for the rest of my life.

I continue to wage war against all the negative thoughts the enemy has been putting in my mind. Thoughts of discouragement and disappointments. Blaming GOD for what happened which He could have stopped and save Derek, and for all these ill-feelings that I thought I would never feel. It's really true that the saddest is not during the wake but the next coming days of your life without that loved one.


But just this Sunday, GOD taught me to lay all of these at HIS feet. Allow HIM wholly to be in control again  of my life, which I was taking over for the last months because I was so angry at HIM for taking my little brother so early. I was so bitter that I am not going to be with him for the rest of my life, that I could not see him grow up and see his dreams fulfilled, and see what he looks like for the next 5 or 10 years or more. HE let me feel that no matter how I kept on pushing HIM away HE'll always wrap HIS arms around me and comfort me. HIS eternal words caused me to realize never to cease praying and believing that "all things work together for good for those who love GOD . . . and that HIS plans for me is not to harm me but to give me a hope and a future". I continue to stand in HIS word that we are more than conquerors for those who are in Christ Jesus.


Prayer Request:

1. Continued strength and comfort to me and my family.
2. Guidance towards the ministry we are starting right now with the kids specially to my parents who are the
    frontliners and leaders.
3. Financial provision in the ministry
4. Ministry partners.
5. Guidance and provision for my Discipleship Training School with YWAM (possible) next year.


Info regarding YWAM:
Pls visit www.ywamatc.org 


or contact me via my email: vania_livin4jesus@yahoo.com