"Well done, my good and faithful servant!..." Matt. 25-23
I have been reluctant to recount what had happened to me and
to my family for the last 2 months. It’s quite intense for me to go through the
details again. But as I continue to ponder of the events it points me back to
the great and victorious things behind it. It points me back to my GOD and Saviour! It points me to
HIS grace, mercy and unconditional love.
GOD has been prompting me to write and share about this as I meditate and look through HIS given word to me. It took me awhile to have the courage
to go through it again.
The last two months
occurred the most painful so far that had happened to me and my family since
both my parents decided to follow and serve JESUS and yet the most victorious
event in our lives. (More intense than the death of my little brother. For
those of you who have witnessed us 3 years ago during his sudden loss.) We have
witnessed how GOD’s hands have moved things right in front of our eyes. So
tangible that enables us to really continue serving HIM and surrender our
hearts and lives at HIS feet fully specially for my younger siblings.
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| December 2010; The last Christmas with my youngest brother, Derek. |
Late July this year after pushing Papa many times to undergo
a general check up, Mama and I finally succeeded. That same month, we found out
that his kidneys shrunk from their normal sizes. Papa had suffered gout for
years and he had occasional attacks of it. Moreover, he was also hypertensive.
We had been concerned ever since of his gout and hypertension. However, we had
overlooked the effects of being diabetic which he had as well coming from a
family who have this hereditary disease.
When they told this to me, I cried and was worried for Papa.
I was overwhelmed by his health status. I had never seen it coming to us
specially to him. They told me that time before his hospitalization that he
needs to have a kidney transplant or undergo dialysis. Papa didn’t want to
undergo dialysis so we’d been thinking for the transplant. While talking to Papa
that time through Skype, I didn’t witness fear or worry in his face. Instead,
I’d seen peace, calmness and light. He just told me that he would wait for a
miracle and that we are only temporary in this world and one day GOD will call
us back to our original residence. He had been ready that GOD will call him
back HOME and had occasionally verbalized this desire after my little brother’s
HOMEcoming last 2011.
As Papa started his medication, Mama reported to
me that he had changes in his appetite and acted weird for the last 3days. Aug
10 was the last Skype I had with him that though he was struggling to talk to
me, he still managed to lead a prayer with few sentences. I remembered that I’d
kept on encouraging him that time to talk to me. I didn’t realize that he was
really not feeling well at that moment. Monday, the next day, I'd been so
uncomfortable. I had never heard from Mama after relying to me of her plan to bring
Papa to the hospital for admission. I was restless for almost 3 days without
any news from them and tried my best to contact people just to reach them that
I am waiting for an update. Wednesday early morning, they’d messaged me that
they were in the hospital. My heart sunk! Papa had never been in the hospital
for a long time and I felt that he was probably in a serious state. Later that
same day, Papa was brought to the ICU. To make the story short, he was in and
out of the ICU many times for almost 2 months.
I returned home Aug
19 after his second admission at the ICU. I stayed with my family for a week.
Although, Papa was still recovering at that time, I was positive that they’re
leaving the hospital soon. I have seen him conscious and responded very well
with my questions (through hand signals) and to our short conversations. He
even hugged me when I told him that I’m going to go back to Jakarta for work.
He tried to put his hands on my back as I embraced him. I told him that time
that I don’t want to come back for a vacation in the hospital and he nodded
attentively. I tried to stay longer but he kept pointing to the clock that I
should leave already since it was almost 2 hours before my flight.
I had constantly called home and asked Papa’s progress. They
were out from the ICU a week after I left. They were excited to tell me that
they’re about to be discharged 1st week of August. Mama relayed to
me that he was trying his best to eat solid food. He had been really fighting
his illness and his physical state. I’ve seen him exercising his upper and
lower extremities without the help of the nurses when I was there. He had fought
so well!!
Unexpectedly, the night of Sept 3, I called back home as I
used to do after coming back in Jakarta. I heard my sister answered my Mama’s
phone crying at the other end of the line. She was telling me to call back
because the nurses and the doctors are reviving Papa for his life. I broke out
in tears and my body was trembling with fear as I asked my housemate to pray
with me for Papa’s recovery. It took me almost 2 hours to call back. Mama
answered the phone and crying. She was unstable. She told me that Papa was back
in the ICU, unconscious and bleeding.
The next one month was the longest month I ever had. I went
back home for the second time last Sept 3 and witnessed personally my Papa’s state.
He was unresponsive. His neurologist referred to his state as “light coma”. My
heart was so broken that almost every day in the hospital I never had a day
that I didn't cry. I've cried out to GOD and asked HIM too many questions. It
was TOO much for me to bear! I told GOD over and over again that it was my
breaking point already. I don’t know if I could survive this situation. I have
loved and looked up to this man my entire life! I am his #1 fan. (Since I am
privileged to be his first born.)
During my stay in the hospital, the doctors asked us
what to do regarding Papa’s state and if we’ll continue to be aggressive in
giving him the medication. I had no thoughts of giving him up on the situation
that time. I was fighting with Papa! Many times we talked to him that if he
is fighting, we, as family will fight with him and support him just like all
the decisions we had made under his leadership. I have held on to GOD’s given
word for the whole family and was in denial of the other meaning of it. I was
honestly too selfish that time! I wanted Papa to stay for another 10yrs. I’d bargained to GOD that I will go for full time missions in the next 10yrs just
for Papa to live. I was so scared! I was so dependent! I don’t want him to go
back HOME that time! I held on so tight. The whole family did and gave the best
for him to recover. We were all positive of his earthly healing.
A week after I arrive, Papa’s eyes started to show
improvements. The mood in our room every time the doctors come started to lighten up. So we decided to continue to give him every medical intervention they requested
to be performed. Then, early morning of Sept 25 came. We woke up hearing Papa’s
deep and loud breathing. After few minutes, blood came out, dripping from his mouth and
nose. I was shaking in helping the nurse wipe the blood. We didn’t know what
had happened. That whole day, it was as if I never stopped crying. I even asked
GOD to just take my heart because I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I was
so drained! It was just so painful for me to see the man who has been the
strongest in the family was bleeding and couldn’t move and respond at all. That
same day, we also decided as a family to stop any medical interventions and
bring Papa home and wait for GOD’s miracle in our house. Papa’s main doctor was
going to do again the whole procedure to Papa. We just felt like GOD was asking us to let HIM do what HE needs to do. It felt that time that all our human efforts were not working the way we've expected it to be. More blood transfusions, more
blood tests, more dialysis sessions and antibiotics. Going back to step 1 again for Papa. It was I think the hardest
and yet the bravest decision I ever made in my life so far. I was ready to let go
and let GOD do HIS healing for Papa! However, eternal healing was in denial for
me though I talk to Papa to let go already and yet I still wanted to see the
healing JESUS did to the woman who was bleeding for 12yrs and the resurrection
of Lazarus. I kept telling myself those miracles and gave only a little
percentage of the other possible answer. I was ambivalent!
October 1 in the evening, Mama and my two younger siblings
brought Papa back home; the day I flew out and went back to Jakarta. I still
told Papa that I will see him again next year on my next vacation. But GOD has
a different answer to the healing that we’d asked. HE has given Papa eternal and
complete healing the day after I arrived in Jakarta. Papa’s HOMEcoming on
October 3 was I bet a big and joyful celebration in Heaven. He must have been
so joyful that finally he’s back and worshiping right at the feet of the GOD
he has surrendered his life with.
His earthly loss and HOMEcoming made a huge impact to the whole family! It
was a heartbreaking event for all of us specially to Mama. My Papa has for sure
left us a treasure that can't be compared by earthly treasure. He has been the leader
in the family. To my Mama, he has been a loyal and faithful husband. He never
gave her heartaches. He was her partner in every decision they’d made for the
family and the ministry. To us, his children, he is a responsible and loving
father. He has loved us unconditionally. He may be very strict and protective,
and yet he has allowed us to decide things for our lives. He has been my
adviser. He may not show too much of his affection towards us physically but he
has prayed for us and made sure that though he has let us decide for ourselves,
that we would also follow GOD and consider what the BIBLE says in every step we
make.
We continue to celebrate along with the Heavenly host for his return. I believe that the Heavenly Father is full of joy that he's now with HIS presence. His life is an inspiration to me, to us his family! Because
of his obedience to JESUS, he has been a perfect father and husband. Papa has
definitely reflected to us the Heavenly Father’s love. He disciplines and yet
loves unconditionally. He gave us free will and allows us to explore and yet he
wants what’s best for us.
I am forever grateful to JESUS that HE has given me a father
like him. I will forever miss him! I will miss his prayers for me, his advises,
embrace and voice. He has allowed me to believe and continue praying for a man
that I will meet one day; a man just as faithful to JESUS as he is. Papa’s
words of wisdom, love and life will be cherished for the rest of my life! Finally,
he is HOME! See you at the Great Reunion, Pa!
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| December 2013; Last Christmas with Papa. |
